A client of mine ( name changed for anonymity) asked me to share her story because she wanted others to know that they are not alone and that with a little help it is possible to heal .. please note there may be distressing information here
Linda* sat opposite me at one of my 1 on 1 Inner Child Healing Retreats. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried.
As she sat opposite me, telling me about her past and her depression, I felt like I was sitting with a person who had stuffed herself into a box and closed the door. There was a sense of emptiness and numbness that emanated from her.
"Linda," I asked her. "When did you first feel this numbness that I feel coming from you?"
Linda started to cry. "I was 9 years old when my uncle sexually abused me. He and my aunt lived a few blocks from our house. I went to visit my aunt and she wasn't home but my uncle was, which had never happened before.
He told me not to tell anyone but I ran home and told my mom about what he had made me do to him. As traumatic as the sexual abuse was, I was equally traumatised when my mother didn't believe me and punished me for lying. I felt so devastated and alone. Everything changed for me from that moment on.
Before that, I was a happy girl who did well in school. After that, I don't remember feeling happy and my grades kept going down."
"Linda, there is an incredibly painful feeling that you felt when your uncle abused you and when you mother didn't believe you and punished you. You were too young to handle this feeling so you did the best thing you could do, which was to shut down and numb out. Our language doesn't have a good word for this feeling. The closest words we have are heartbreak and intense loneliness."
"Yes," said Linda. That's the feeling. I remember how overwhelmed I felt by that feeling. I felt like if I kept feeling it I would die or go crazy, so I shut it down by numbing out."
"Right. But now, as an adult, you can actually handle the feelings of loneliness and heartbreak, yet you are still avoiding them. By avoiding them with numbing out, you are stifling your true Self, your core Self. And so you end up depressed. We will always end up depressed when we put a lid on ourselves to avoid feelings we believe we can't handle."
"But I still don't think I can handle those feelings."
"Linda, are you willing to find out if that is true?"
"Yes."
Over the next few days we did some gentle Inner child work and these are her words
"I am feeling much better, much lighter. I don't have that numbness right now. And I don't feel depressed right now!"
"So by acknowledging, embracing and moving into compassion for your feelings of heartbreak and loneliness, they moved through you. You show your inner self that you CAN manage these feelings. You no longer have to avoid them by numbing out."
Linda had become addicted to numbness as her way of managing her feelings, but during our time together using various techniques and therapies, once she learned to be with them with compassion, she no longer needed the numbness.
I heard from her a couple of months after the Intensive and she was still feeling light and happy, with no sign of depression.
*PLEASE NOTE Anything you say to me is in our sessions is held in the strictest confidence. The clients name has been changed in this article and the story is used with the express wishes & permission of the client
For further details of how inner child work may be able to help you please see here
Sending you warmest wishes
Kimberley x
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