Inner child

Addiction To Numbness & Inner Child Healing

numbness.png with kimberley stapleton mind body soul spirit

A client of mine ( name changed for anonymity) asked me to share her story because she wanted others to know that they are not alone and that with a little help it is possible to heal .. please note there may be distressing information here

Linda* sat opposite me at one of my 1 on 1 Inner Child Healing Retreats. She had decided to attend the Intensive because her depression, which had plagued her for years, was not being helped by medication or by the numerous forms of therapy that she had tried.

As she sat opposite me, telling me about her past and her depression, I felt like I was sitting with a person who had stuffed herself into a box and closed the door. There was a sense of emptiness and numbness that emanated from her.

"Linda," I asked her. "When did you first feel this numbness that I feel coming from you?"

Linda started to cry. "I was 9 years old when my uncle sexually abused me. He and my aunt lived a few blocks from our house. I went to visit my aunt and she wasn't home but my uncle was, which had never happened before.

He told me not to tell anyone but I ran home and told my mom about what he had made me do to him. As traumatic as the sexual abuse was, I was equally traumatised when my mother didn't believe me and punished me for lying. I felt so devastated and alone. Everything changed for me from that moment on.

Before that, I was a happy girl who did well in school. After that, I don't remember feeling happy and my grades kept going down."

"Linda, there is an incredibly painful feeling that you felt when your uncle abused you and when you mother didn't believe you and punished you. You were too young to handle this feeling so you did the best thing you could do, which was to shut down and numb out. Our language doesn't have a good word for this feeling. The closest words we have are heartbreak and intense loneliness."

"Yes," said Linda. That's the feeling. I remember how overwhelmed I felt by that feeling. I felt like if I kept feeling it I would die or go crazy, so I shut it down by numbing out."

"Right. But now, as an adult, you can actually handle the feelings of loneliness and heartbreak, yet you are still avoiding them. By avoiding them with numbing out, you are stifling your true Self, your core Self. And so you end up depressed. We will always end up depressed when we put a lid on ourselves to avoid feelings we believe we can't handle."

"But I still don't think I can handle those feelings."

"Linda, are you willing to find out if that is true?"

"Yes."

Over the next few days we did some gentle Inner child work and these are her words

"I am feeling much better, much lighter. I don't have that numbness right now. And I don't feel depressed right now!"

"So by acknowledging, embracing and moving into compassion for your feelings of heartbreak and loneliness, they moved through you. You show your inner self that you CAN manage these feelings. You no longer have to avoid them by numbing out."

Linda had become addicted to numbness as her way of managing her feelings, but during our time together using various techniques and therapies, once she learned to be with them with compassion, she no longer needed the numbness.

I heard from her a couple of months after the Intensive and she was still feeling light and happy, with no sign of depression.

*PLEASE NOTE Anything you say to me is in our sessions is held in the strictest confidence. The clients name has been changed in this article and the story is used with the express wishes & permission of the client

For further details of how inner child work may be able to help you please see here

Sending you warmest wishes

Kimberley x

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME 

Please contact Kimberley if you have any questions or to make an initial CONSULTATION.  
 
Face To Face  sessions are by appointment only. Appointments are available 6 days a week and also in the evenings at our discreet premises in Mellieha, Sliema & Naxxar in Malta. Or online by skype or Zoom 

Please note for sessions in Naxxar clients have access to the pool and a towel after and before their sessions. 
For a list of problems I may be able to help you with please click here 
 
To Arrange YOUR INITIAL SESSION Please contact Kimberley by Whatsapp or Phone on 00356 99355901.

Kimberley on TVM - FitAM

Love Addiction, Approval Addiction

approval.png with kimberley stapleton mind body soul spirit

In my experience as a counsellor & Hypnotherapist for 35 years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society.

What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a checklist for you to see if you are addicted to love and/or approval. Believing any of these may indicate love or approval addiction.

I believe that:

* My happiness and wellbeing are depended upon getting love from another person.

* My adequacy, lovability, and feelings of self-worth and self-esteem come from others liking me and approving of me.

* Others disapproval or rejection mean that I’m not good enough.

* I can’t make myself happy.

* I can’t make myself as happy as someone else can.

* My best feelings come from outside myself, from how other people or a particular other person sees me and treats me.

* Others are responsible for my feelings. Therefore, if someone cares about me, he or she will never do anything that hurts or upsets me.

* I can’t be alone. I feel like I’ll die if I’m alone.

* When I’m hurt or upset, it’s someone else’s fault.

* It’s up to other people to make me feel good about myself by approving of me.

* I’m not responsible for my feelings. Other people make me feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, shut down, or depressed. When I’m angry, someone makes me feel that way and is responsible for fixing my feelings.

* I’m not responsible for my behaviour. Other people make me yell, act crazy, get sick, laugh, cry, get violent, leave, or fail.

* Others are selfish if they do what they want instead of what I want or need.

* If I’m not connected to someone, I will die.

* I can’t handle my pain, especially the pain of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, the pain of being shut out - the pain of isolation and loneliness.

Living as a love or approval addict is a very hard way to live. You have to constantly make sure you say the right thing, do the right, and look right in order to get the needed love and approval. Your feelings are on a roller coaster – from feeling the wonderful feelings that come from getting your love or approval “fix” to feeling the despair that comes when your “supply” – the source of your love and approval - shuts down, gets angry or judgmental, or goes away.

THE UNDERLYING CAUSE OF LOVE AND APPROVAL ADDICTION

Love and approval addiction is rooted in self-abandonment. Imagine the feeling part of you as a child – your inner child. When you are love or approval addicted, you have handed your inner child away for adoption.

Instead of learning to take responsibility for your own happiness by loving and approving of yourself, you have handed your inner child away to others for love and approval – making others responsible for your feelings. This inner self-abandonment will always cause the deep pain of low self-worth, making you dependent upon others for your sense of worth.

The sad thing about all of this is that love is the most abundant thing in the universe. We live in a sea of love – it is always within us and all around us. It is our Source. When you learn to open to re connect with your inner child you become filled with love, with peace, with joy. The empty place within that yearns to be filled becomes so filled with love that it overflows to others. You find yourself desiring to give love rather than always trying to get it.

As long as you make others your Source, you will not find the love, peace and joy that you seek. By learning and practicing the Inner Child Bonding process that I teach, you can learn to fill yourself with love and heal your love and approval addictions.

Are you love or approval addicted? The above checklist will help you to determine your level of love or approval addiction.

If You feel that this is you and would like to talk then;

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME 

Please contact Kimberley if you have any questions or to make an initial CONSULTATION.  
 
Face To Face  sessions are by appointment only. Appointments are available 6 days a week and also in the evenings at our discreet premises in Mellieha, Sliema & Naxxar in Malta. Or online by skype or Zoom 

Please note for sessions in Naxxar clients have access to the pool and a towel after and before their sessions. 
For a list of problems I may be able to help you with please click here 
 
To Arrange YOUR INITIAL SESSION Please contact Kimberley by Whatsapp or Phone on 00356 99355901.

Kimberley on TVM - FitAM